Wednesday, November 28, 2012

New Name on Trophy

The racers were all set to go. Stoked to the limit and ready to race. Everyone was so excited they looked like animals!
The race was on.
Unfortunately, before even starting the race, Winston was tricked by Nathaniel. Winston’s aero-awesome bike had been replaced by a recumbent cycle. 5 minutes into the race – Winston realized the bike really “wasn’t going anywhere” even though the monitor read that he had gone 10km. Winston then jumped into action on his real bike to catch up with Nathaniel and others.
An unknown racer from the so-called “Island” had shown up and was seen taunting Seth Bluman down Marine Drive on the bike. Here’s a quick video to set the scene . Replace the king with Seth and the annoying guard, with Kevin, and you have a clear picture of what was going on. Kevin crossed the line (literally) when he said Seth’s bike was a girl's bike. Luckily Theresa, a proud owner of the same bike was there to clarify that Seth’s bike was girly but clearly unisex. Theresa then went into hyper-speed passing Seth and Kevin. Seth’s anger and frustration had built up from all this taunting and bullying. An eye-witness account by Brendan Naef, who was on the scene to report: "Seth Bluman got angry for the first time ever. It was scary but somewhat relieving - He even started biting my bike!" Here’s an amateur artists take on the scene:
Unfortunately the anger of losing didn’t help Seth to transition because as he got angrier and stronger his bike “smashed” beneath his weight. Chris Hart,on the bike,was spotted being attacked by a bear that had leapt out from the Endowment Lands on the corner of 16th and Southwest Marine Drive. Chris came out of the battle alive, ate 5 gels, the bear, and proceeded to finish the race. His only regret was that the bear ate his post-race ham and cheese sandwich and left marks on his beautiful bike. Meanwhile, back in transition! Reaching the transition, Brendan stated, “I raced the whole bike part without looking behind me but feeling this heavy breath on the back of my neck” – turns out Vince had assembled some sort of bat-mobile contraption so they would be forced to race almost hand-in-hand until reaching the run. Another amateur artist was on the scene to illustrate this for us:
(Left: A less cool-looking version of Vince, Right: Brendan with an extremely deep voice) – The Amateur artist was applauded for his accurate use of spandex costumes to portray the racers. One racer didn’t even think it was worth it to do this whole “transition” thing so he didn’t change shoes or anything - he picked up his bike and started running. Supposedly Winston was spotted closing in on this bike-carrying, warrior-like man machine as they ascended the final hill. The bike carrying man, Sherwood, attempted to draft but then realized he needed to be on the bike to do so. The prize money won't quite allow him to afford a new pair of shoes but he did figure it was a great workout with the 2013 cyclo-cross season being just 11 months away.
Sherry, Theresa and Lyndsey all raced side by side for the run portion until reaching the HILL when things got serious… It was reported Sherry and Theresa started talking about the new marshmallow golden chocolate banana health waffles they had planned to post about for the next nutrition blog post…
Unfortunately this seemingly innocent conversation was done in order to DISTRACT LINDSEY… You see, Sherry and Theresa had made Lindsey so intrigued by the recipe she had to go run to Save-on, pick up the scrumptious ingredients, and then cook theses waffles… Luckily, Lyndsey returned and by sprinting managed to catch up with Sherry and Theresa. All 3 ladies ended up crossing the finish line with similar times.
Coming up to the finish line there was a much more important competition than the brick…. A battle of BEST SMILES! Who won? – You be the judge: Featuring: Seth, Ryan, and Katrina
The winners were: Males: Brendan finished with a time of 19:57 followed by Vince A FULL 2 seconds behind. How embarrassing. The men’s close race apparently came down to aerodynamics. The full spandex as noted earlier, was definitely necessary for this epic race. Females: Victoria with a time of 22:06 and Tiffany up second with at time of 24:19 These girls are now being accused of using the Clif bars in the club office as performance enhancing drugs. If the case is upheld, Elise will be up next to be awarded with the win. A special congratulations goes out to Sherwood for being the first club member to complete the Brick in bike shoes and with a bike over his shoulder for the whole run… you will be astonished to hear he finished with a time of 22:46 – a hard record for any future member to tri(Get it - Ha – it’s a Pun!) and beat. Thanks for coming out. Get excited for the Beer Mile on Friday.
It must be acknowledged that 99% of this blog post’s content came from a guest contributor. The guest contributor may or may not have been criticized for not living up to the title of “most improved swimmer” in a previous blog post. Taking matters into his own hands, written things entirely himself (or herself) ensures that he or she is portrayed in only the best light. Minor grammatical corrections were made. "Triathlon" was spelled with four "R's" and "Marine Drive" was spelled without using any vowels before the first round of editing was complete. Also, the words "there, their and theyur were used interchangeably. Such horrendous spelling made Kevin shiver.
As for the new names on the trophy; in 6 or 8 months when somebody finally drags the Vincent Lavallee Cup to an engraving shop in North Vancouver, expect an immediate blog update as to who the winners were. Hint: Vince's name is already there (though not on the champions list) and it is not being added again.

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